Creating Community [Case#2] - Building an Intimate Community

The Asian Christian Fellowship at Washington University (St. Louis, MO) has a reputation on campus as a close and friendly community. They spend a lot of time together and seem to have fun with one another. But under the surface, there has been relational tension and strife. Some of the older members have built walls as a result of past hurts. Intimacy has been an ideal, not a reality, in the fellowship.

What is the answer to these community woes? Should chapter members spend more time together, or develop better relational skills? Perhaps a truly intimate community is not realistic in the high-pressured academic environment of campus life.

I challenged students with the premise that God clearly desires intimacy—first with each of them personally, then between each other as they fellowship together. I was convinced that if students drew closer to the cross, they would naturally draw closer to one another.

But how do you get students to draw closer to God? Many of these Asian students, especially, view God as a distant, demanding parent whose love is precarious and conditional. Guilt constantly gnaws at them for not doing enough. Some treat spirituality like their academics—working hard toward an A+ at the sacrifice of joy and relationships.

We knew there were dangers in exhorting the students toward more intimacy. Instead, we focused on the character of God and built up prayer and worship. We also introduced the idea of “listening prayer” where the goal is not to speak at God but rather to hear from him. We wanted students to have a real interaction with God.

Many students have responded to listening prayer and have experienced God’s speaking to them for the first time. One student saw a picture of Jesus wrapping her in protective blanket and addressing her fears of intimacy. Another saw Jesus knocking on a door, asking to be let in. Still another saw himself in a dark, sin-filled closet as Jesus gradually bathed him in the warmth of his grace-filled light.

As students realize that they can have true intimacy with a speaking God, they are freed up to take risks with each other. At chapter camp, there was a spirit of reconciliation and honesty among the students as they reconciled old hurts and made new commitments toward one another.

Students are continuing to break free from shame and self-protection as they learn how much God loves them and desires intimacy, both with them and within the fellowship. Recently they have recognized that a major part of the intimacy equation—outreach—was missing in their fellowship and they are ready to take the next step in growing closer through greater ministry to others. The student leaders on the exec team have made outreach the central part of the vision for the coming year.

When Christians partner together in acts of service, evangelism and discipling, true closeness and friendship happen. We are starting the year with a solid foundation of trust with one another and joy in being adopted into God’s family.

—Bum Yong Kim enjoys building intimacy with his wife, Angela, and son, Tyler, who is the cutest kid in all of Missouri, the “Show Me!” state. If you don’t believe him, he will show you.