My problem started slowly when I came to Furman my Freshman year. I had my quiet time in Scripture with God everyday at first, but then I started reading less and praying less. My communion with God declined so much that by the time I started this school year, I was spending little to no time with God outside of InterVarsity and church.
This was scary when I looked at my life, because I’m a leader in a community of believers, and Scripture warns us that, “we who teach will be judged more strictly,” (James 3:1, NIV). I remember talking with Anna Boriack, InterVarsity staff at Furman University-Greenville, SC, one day and realizing that I had turned into a Pharisee. I appeared to be leading everyone else, but my walk with Christ was at a total standstill.
After talking with Anna, I still didn’t know where to start. I would start reading some biblical stories, but I felt bored. I’ve read the stories so many times. Then there was the issue of time. I’m busy. God placed second when compared to my time. The weekend after I talked with Anna, I decided to talk to my dad. I had fears about my father judging me, but God’s grace was greater than all my fears. My father told me to start reading 1 John in the Bible and then move from there. He also suggested studying topics that come up in theological conversations. The most amazing thing that he told me was that spiritual dry spells aren’t uncommon. In fact, he goes through them himself. My father, a very godly man, has dry spells in his walk! Well, I knew then that it wasn’t the end of the world for me. In fact, God promises, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness,” (1 John 1:9, NIV). Scripture also tells us, “For I will forgive their wickedness and remember their sins no more,” (Jeremiah 31:34, NIV).
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be afraid to tell Christian brothers and sisters about your struggles, because God can use them through prayer and instruction to help you through whatever you’re struggling with. Part of my problem was that I was so afraid people would judge me if I told anyone that I wasn’t having my quiet times. I didn’t trust the grace that God had given those around me. Now I know that God’s grace is bigger than my fears about others’ judgments.
Now I know that God’s grace is sufficient to help me through my struggle. I have to sacrifice everything to Him, even my time. That means getting homework done earlier and saying no to certain activities. I now alternate between my own study of the Bible and more structured studies. It amazes me that the God of the universe, who knew my name when He created the world, and loved me when my sin nailed Him to a cross, desires to be in complete communion with me.