True Companions

Kelly Flanagan

A Book for Everyone About the Relationships That See Us Through

When we quit sabotaging intimacy in our relationships by demanding unconditional love, we discover something much greater—the deeply satisfying, transformational love that is companionship.

In these pages psychologist Kelly Flanagan shows how each of us has within ourselves, exactly the way we are, the gifts that are needed to cultivate the life-long relationships we are longing for, whether it is within marriage or friendship. He shows us how self-knowledge leads the way to growing in love for both God and others. He shows us how understanding our own loneliness can help us relieve the pressure on our companions. And he shows us how understanding our own psychological and emotional defenses can help us to make the choice to love more vulnerably.

More than a marriage book, this is a companionship book. Anyone—from single young adults to elderly married couples, from the divorced to the widowed, from siblings to friends—can benefit from the wisdom it uncovers about what it means to be human and to be true companions.

Groups, couples, and individuals can use the companion study guide for five sessions on how to show up in your most important relationships.

"Though we often do whatever it takes to avoid feelings of loneliness, in these pages Dr. Kelly Flanagan invites readers to do something else—make friends with our loneliness, attend to it, and even welcome loneliness as a gift. Flanagan is a guide for the isolated soul, showing us that our agonizing longings for deep companionship are actually graces—signposts pointing us toward deeper connection, love, and holiness. And along the way, we discover this gentlest of miracles: we are, none of us, truly alone."

Aubrey Sampson, church planter and author of The Louder Song: Listening for Hope in the Midst of Lament

"What Kelly does for all of us in this deep dive into being-in-relation is help us unearth those deeply buried conditions we've been loading onto what we think we've been asking for or offering as 'unconditional love.' Then, therapist that he is, Dr. Flanagan invites us to put down the mallet and befriend our loneliness, shame, and abandonment. . . . Kelly charts a path of waking up so we can show up as our best selves in our most important relationships. . . . I'm so glad to commend True Companions to you."

Ian Morgan Cron, author of The Road Back to You, from the foreword

"Loneliness is part of marriage. Rather than avoid or ignore that reality, Flanagan provides a much-needed resource on the necessary journey of creating space for loneliness in the context of relationship. With unflinching honesty and clinical insight, Flanagan takes a fresh look at how to sit with the discomfort of unmet expectations in marriage. He shares about his own marriage in a way that impacts both intellectually and emotionally. Flanagan wisely suggests that our most intimate relationships benefit from learning to embrace curiosity rather than certainty, and that a deeper intimacy is found in sharing loneliness rather than expecting our partner to eliminate it."

Jeff and Kim Eckert, psychologists and cofounders of Roots Counseling Center

True Companions