Engaging Gen Z around Racial Injustice
The discussion of race in America is filling our newsfeeds again. But this time, one thing is different—a lot of those headlines are being shared by your child.
So how do we, as parents, enter into the conversation? Different perspectives on how we should respond to racial injustice is particularly likely (though not guaranteed) between generations. Gen Z often talks and thinks about racial inequity differently than prior generations. If we encounter differences, we shouldn’t be surprised nor should we be fearful or concerned. And we shouldn’t be reluctant to engage them in conversation just because of our own experiences of conversations about race dividing churches, neighborhoods, or families. Silence models the wrong behaviors: avoidance, placating, or passive-aggressive rejection.
Whether you raised your child to engage these issues or hoped they would avoid them, here are five steps you can take toward healthy interaction on this crucial topic.
1. Acknowledge Difference
One of the best things we can do as parents, especially as parents of emerging adults, is to acknowledge that our children have their own unique outlook on the world. In this way, your conversations with your kids should represent a deeper, more foundational belief that every parent needs to develop: your child is on an inevitable trajectory toward becoming a unique person—maybe quite different from you—and you want to support them.
Support doesn’t mean we have to affirm everything they choose. And increasing differentiation doesn’t have to mean that our families will be divided or distant. But support does mean we need to allow them to develop their own convictions about the world and not just try to convince them of ours.
Instead, a curious posture that expects difference leads naturally to asking questions.
2. Ask Questions
Good questions and a listening posture are some of a parent’s greatest tools.
At first glance, the idea of “asking questions” sounds simple. And yet, we’ve all seen that look in our child’s eyes when our attempt to be clear crosses the line into being overbearing. Let’s admit it together: lecturing is so much easier than listening!
But we know there’s a better way to win the trust of our child. Instead of lecturing, show genuine interest in your child’s perspective. Ask them questions like, “I saw you posted an article on social media. What about that article got your attention?” or, “The way you framed that situation caught my attention. What about that frame feels compelling to you?” Or, “I saw a picture of you at a protest, what motivated you to protest?” or, “What do you mean when you use this word? I think our definitions may be different.”
If you and your child know that race is a sensitive topic or an issue you’ve already disagreed on in the past, then name the obvious: “You know we have different opinions on this, but I’m still curious. Can you share your perspective with me?”
You could also ask them “feeling” questions—these tend to be good conversation starters because you’re simply inviting your child to share their reactions. For example, “How do you feel when you learn about instances of racial injustice?” or, “How do you feel like our family has done in the areas of racism and inclusion?” or, “Have I, as your parent, ever done anything race-related that made you feel uncomfortable or upset?”
These types of questions show that your goal is not to win the argument but is simply to understand why your child holds the beliefs they do.
3. Look for Places of Agreement
Healthy conversations identify places of agreement to build on, rather than focusing exclusively on areas of disagreement. A good question might be, “What convictions do you think we share about racial injustice?”
If both you and your child are Christians, you might identify biblical stories and passages which speak to issues of race and justice. (Some examples include Isaiah 58, Habakkuk 1–2, Luke 4:14–19, Acts 6, Acts 10, and Ephesians 2:11–22.) You might invite your student to study those passages (and others) with you to deepen your mutual understanding of what Scripture teaches. (Two useful study resources might be The God of Justice, created by the International Justice Mission, and Loving Justice, a LifeGuide Bible Study.)
You also may identify shared spiritual disciplines. As Christians, our practices of prayer (e.g., repentance and intercession), missions (e.g., incarnational witness and service), and worship (e.g., corporate confession or lament and affirmations of God’s sovereignty) position the Church to engage issues of racial justice differently than the rest of culture. How can you pray, serve, and worship together with your student around these issues, even if you disagree on specifics?
4. Offer to Share Your Own Experience
Most kids already know their parents’ opinions, but fewer know their parents’ experiences.
You could say, “Could I share with you some of my experiences related to racism and civil rights?” While lectures receive rolling eyes, most kids love hearing stories from their parents’ past. Tell your stories simply, as an account of what happened and how you responded, without turning it into a sermon about how they should respond to a similar situation. Let them ask you further questions about your stories. Illuminating your experiences will also help your child be more empathetic toward your potentially divergent views, since they’ll have a better understanding of why you hold the perspective you do.
5. Learn Together
If you and your child are coming at an issue from different ends of the spectrum, one way to become unified is for both of you to take on the posture of learners. You can each work toward a fuller understanding of the other person’s view.
As the parent, you may need to be the front-runner in modeling a teachable heart, trusting that in time, your child may want to learn about your side of the issue as well.
For now, offer to engage with your child on a resource they would find compelling. You could read a book together. You could listen to a podcast or a sermon. You could watch a movie and then discuss your reactions afterward.
Beyond academic learning, you could also seek out shared experiences. This virtual moment is a great time to “visit” a church of a cultural heritage different from your own. Or, if there is a particular group of people you’ve rarely engaged with, you could move toward building new relationships together. If you do arrive at a point of agreement, you could engage your community together.
Keep Engaging
By seeking to understand your child’s perspective, you show your love and concern for them. You also show that no topic is “off the table” for conversation. When silence sets in on an issue after multiple rounds of disagreement, that may be a sign you’re clinging to an issue more tightly than to your relationship with your child.
If we can’t engage with our kids on the topics important to them, this is a warning sign that our relational capital is diminishing. Above all else, we want to keep the conversational doors open because these conversations are more than just an exchange of words. They’re a key part of the ongoing relationship between a parent and a child.