On the Other Side of Support
My first year as a campus minister with InterVarsity marked the first time a student said to me, “I haven’t really told anyone this, but…” I was at a weeklong summer camp for InterVarsity with hundreds of students and several dozen InterVarsity staff. One night after worship, a student approached me who I had just met that week. Without much notice, she started sharing deeply personal and painful memories. There was no formal set up or any kind of preceding event – she just looked at me, presumably felt safe, and decided to share. We started walking around the campground as she told me about the abuse she suffered at the hands of an ex-boyfriend and its lingering effects in her life. We prayed together, and I can still recall feeling a range of responses in myself. I felt both incredibly privileged to hold space for this student and pray for her, and I also felt incredibly anxious. Many thoughts came rushing in, “Did I do enough? Why did she decide to tell me – we only met a few days ago? Did I respond in the right way?”
Since that night, I have had the privilege of listening to and journeying with students who are navigating life in all its beauty and pain. I enjoyed this part of my job so much that I returned to school and obtained a Master of Social Work. I’m now in my first year working part-time as a mental health therapist.
As student affairs professionals, you are some of the most impactful individuals in a student’s life on campus and are often there for those moments when students share deeply from their life and their pain. One thing that I did not think much about in my earlier years but heard over and over again as I was training to become a therapist was the importance of doing my own personal work and knowing how to healthily detach from these hard conversations. While it is a privilege to be with students in these moments, it can also be incredibly taxing. You may have at times found yourself exhausted or struggling with ‘compassion fatigue,’ especially after last year and in this current season.
Students returning to campus in these next few weeks will arrive with excitement and joy, but also with grief, anxiety, and loneliness. You may be returning with similar emotions. Do not neglect your own personal health and wellbeing; don’t feel ashamed of your own fatigue or internal emotions or responses. Over the years, I have continued to come back to the following three foundational principles to root myself in Christ and carry me through difficult seasons. I pray that they serve as reminders for the way God longs to be present with you on campus as you serve students around you.
- Prioritize time in God’s word, in prayer, and in community. Although this reminder is one of the most basic foundational instructions for the Christian life, it is impossible to overstate the importance of regular spiritual rhythms in which you encounter Jesus for yourself. The Lord longs to fill you with his peace and security, bring healing, move in the lives of you and your family, and so much more. Rootedness in God’s presence and truth is necessary for the flourishing of our souls. When I am really struggling, this is often the first thing I have let become less of a priority – many times because I feel like I have too many other things happening – and I immediately notice a difference. When I regularly meet with God, I am able to remember that He is God and I am not, He is the one who brings hope and healing, and I am able to assume my rightful role as His child, serving but not saving.
- After heavy conversations, find a space to pray for the person involved and release the person and the situation to the Lord. Several years ago, I worked as a Victim Advocate in a county court system, helping survivors of domestic violence file restraining orders. The work was meaningful, but it often felt like I was looking right into darkness itself. The twenty-minute drive home became a lifeline for me. I would use the car ride home to pray out loud for the people and stories I encountered and make it a point to specifically pray and release them, their stories, and their pain to the Lord. Maybe there are snippets of Scripture that have been meaningful for you in remembering God’s care for His people and his steadfast watch of each one of us. I regularly recite phrases like “Jesus, you know every hair on their head – you know when they get up and when they go to sleep, please continue to be with them.” When I park my car, that time is over; I have given it to the Lord. Having carved out space creates healthy boundaries, both for ourselves and for our relationships with those who live with us.
- Model what it means to take care of yourself holistically by seeking out your own therapy or mentorship. We all have challenges where we could use a fresh set of eyes and wise counsel. Proverbs 19 reminds us to “listen to advice, and accept guidance and at the end you will be counted among the wise.” The Lord has used therapists and mentors to bring healing to some of my deepest wounds, and the number of times I’ve heard a “Really? You’ve gone to counseling too?!” when I shared that I get counseling with a student continues to remind me that the Lord uses our own stories to encourage others and remind us we are not alone. Invest in yourself - you are worth all of the healing the Lord wants to offer you!
As you serve students this Fall, I pray that you would be full of God’s presence and rest in His strength. May you find friendship and intimacy with Jesus, who is “a man of suffering, and familiar with pain” and the One who came so we could have “life to the full.” Blessings to you.
