From Bullet Points to Bride – How Song of Solomon Changed My Prayer Life

I grew up attending quiet and awkward prayer meetings dominated by boring lists. Across denominations, the priority often felt less like communion with God and more like conquering bullet points on a sheet of paper.

Truthfully, I had no idea if anything happened at these meetings. Were mountains moved? Did breakthrough come? Were we any closer to Jesus because of that time of prayer? 

These communal prayer meetings were great in their own way, but prayer wasn’t very interesting or personal to me. That was until I learned how to interact and have a dialogue (not a monologue) with Jesus. As I learned about listening prayer, praying Scripture, and the “Bridal Paradigm,” particularly through Song of Solomon, prayer became more enjoyable and I daresay addicting. 

From My Head to My Heart

When I was an InterVarsity student, I learned that the Holy Spirit speaks to us if we slow down enough to listen. Listening prayer showed me how to interact with the Holy Spirit in a way that left me wanting more.

20 years later, God led me to serve at the Pasadena International House of Prayer (PIHOP) in California, where he deepened that prayer foundation even further.

I learned to sing Scripture as prayer, turning biblical passages into personal cries to God. We’d pray verses over local and global churches, over individuals, and over ourselves. Through this, the Bible came to life in new ways, and prayer became a way to study God’s Word. It was as if praying Scripture helped it move from my head into my heart. 

Understanding the Bridal Paradigm

A lot of the work I did while at PIHOP was centered around the “Bridal Paradigm,” which is the heart of Song of Solomon. 

Contrary to popular belief, Song of Solomon is not a strange book about sex, but a love story between two characters: the Shulamite woman and King Solomon, who are meant to symbolize us and Jesus.   

 As we prayed the Song of Solomon, I put myself into the story. I asked myself, How was I like the Shulamite woman, loved by a perfect Bridegroom King despite her flaws and insecurities? Was I able to receive this love well?  

The Shulamite woman longs to be kissed by the king. Her longing is a powerful plea because she knows that his love is even better than wine.

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! 

For your love is better than wine…” – Song of Solomon 1:2

Jesus’ kisses can be felt in moments where we sense his presence. On any given day, I try to pay attention to where I experience this, especially in situations others may call “good luck” or “coincidence.” 

For you, this could be remembering exactly what you studied during a tough exam or a wave of calm before giving a nerve-wrecking presentation. It could be a friend showing up or reaching out unexpectedly and exactly when you need it. 

Song of Solomon makes love accessible, normalizing the fact that Jesus, who called himself our Bridegroom in every one of the Gospels, is a Heavenly Bridegroom whose love is better than wine, or Netflix, or my favorite snack. It gives me insight into how he sees me, delights in me, and longs to be with me.    

I used to define myself mainly as a “worker” in the harvest field (Luke 10), focused on serving and leading. But I’m not just a disciple or apostle seeking to lead a movement of students on campus to Jesus (Acts 2). Above all, my identity is being his beloved bride — I belong to him, and he belongs to me.

Where are you placing your identity?  

Becoming His Beloved 

Ever since I accepted my identity as Jesus’ beloved, prayer stopped feeling like a chore. Instead, it’s the most exciting part of my life. 

We are meant to see ourselves as Jesus’ beloved and experience this kind of intimacy with him. If you struggle to identify as his beloved, consider adding some of these practices to your daily life:

• At the end of each day, take a moment to reflect and think about whether you experienced his presence in a special way. Ask him to reveal where you experienced his “kisses” that day.
• Instead of going to other things to experience love, try reading a chapter of Song of Solomon and interact with what you read.  
• Listen to audio of Song of Solomon. Sometimes hearing helps you connect in different ways than reading. 
• Try making it a goal for a semester or year to grow in being Jesus’ beloved. 
• Journal your prayers, using language in Song of Solomon of bride, beloved, kisses, garden, etc.  

My posture in prayer has changed from a beggar with a list to a beloved bride longing to partner with her bridegroom to see his kingdom come. My conversations with Jesus are driven by a relationship that’s being nurtured, matured, and developed like that of the Shulamite’s love in Song of Solomon. 

As you consider your prayer life, ask yourself: Do you approach Jesus with a list of demands, or with an open heart ready to partner with him as his beloved?