Do You Need a Mentor or a Spiritual Director?

Mentors, like Tyler and Paul, shaped some of the most important moments in my walk with Jesus.

In high school, Tyler challenged me to memorize Scripture, cast vision for evangelism that led to baptizing two friends, and created space for accountability — like the night he drove me home and listened as I confessed a secret sin that had been eating at my soul.

In college, Paul noticed the friendships with my floormates and encouraged me to start a Bible study on my floor. Years later, he shepherded me through work-family balance as I navigated getting married and becoming a dad. 

I learned what mentorship looks like through watching Tyler and Paul’s example, participating in experiences they created for me, and by humbly responding to their challenges and feedback. As they consistently made space for me, my initiative towards God grew and my ministry skills became more numerous.

Conversational consistency. Creating opportunities. Modeling. Feedback. This is the core of mentorship.

What is Spiritual Direction?

In my late 20s, Paul introduced me to a spiritual director named Dave. I half expected meetings with Dave to be “super mentoring,” where he’d give me advice and feedback that would accelerate my spiritual formation. What I experienced was a bit different.

Dave would welcome me into his home with a hug or hearty handshake. Then we’d pour a cup of coffee and trek upstairs to his familiar, cozy office. There, he hosted space for centering prayer and silence that felt so elusive in other parts of my life. He patiently listened as I shared about very ordinary life events like navigating family dynamics and frustrations with my job. 

Through that experience, God awakened some dreams about whatever this “spiritual direction” practice was and how I might experience intimacy with him amidst the ordinary. 

Spiritual direction focuses on increasing awareness of God and noticing our feelings as we name our deeper desires to God. In Spiritual Direction: A Practical Introduction, Sue Pickering states “spiritual direction takes place when the [director] and [directee] are both intentional about paying attention to what God is doing in the [directee’s] life…spiritual direction could be defined as taking place when [the director] prayerfully supports and encourages [the directee] to attend and respond to God.”

Practicing silence in real-time is normal in spiritual direction conversations and questions are commonplace (“What have your prayers been like on this?” or “What do you sense God is saying through all of this?”). Spiritual direction sessions end not with homework or challenges from a director but space to seek God in prayer or gentle offerings to keep paying attention to the movement of the Spirit amidst ordinary life.

What’s the Difference?

Both mentoring and spiritual direction benefit from consistent meetings, relational intimacy between parties, and expectations around the time together. Both are built on conversations, shared experiences, and debriefing what’s happened since the previous meeting. 

However, there are some key differences between the two. 

Mentorship

• Mentoring is driven by the mentor towards the mentee.
• Mentoring can be content or goal driven.
• A great mentor might leverage a crucial challenge (“If you could figure out this, then you could accomplish that.”). They help us dream, recognize realities, and set goals towards becoming the people we desire to become. 
• Mentors challenge us, ask questions that make us think critically, and generate experiences where modeling, risk-taking, and feedback come together.

Spiritual Direction

• Spiritual direction is driven by the Holy Spirit towards the directee. The spiritual director is merely a facilitator and companion to that interaction between Spirit and directee.
• Spiritual direction uses the “ordinary events of life” as the fodder for conversation.
• A great spiritual director invites us to notice the promptings of the Spirit from the events of everyday life (“I notice you used the phrase ___ several times when describing ___. What might the Spirit be communicating in that?”)
• Spiritual directors do not have an agenda for how we might be spiritually formed or “helped” during a given conversation. Rather, directors come ready to attune to us and the presence of God as they discern what to verbalize.
• Spiritual directors ask questions not to challenge and develop us but to companion us in noticing God’s presence and the deeper desires of our souls.

Which is Right for You?

If you’re wondering whether spiritual direction might be right for you, consider listening to voices — like Sue Pickering and William Barry. —who have helped others explore this practice. You might also spend time reading from spiritual fathers and mothers in books like Interior Castle by Teresa of Ávila or The Autobiography of St. Ignatius by Ignatius of Loyola. 

You can then take the next step and reach out to a spiritual director, like those at Fall Creek Abbey where I have received my training. They offer free exploratory conversations, so you can decide whether or not you want to commit to a consistent rhythm. 

If spiritual direction isn’t what you need right now, maybe mentoring is. Mentors helped me boldly act on what God was inviting me into during a crucial point in my life. Do you need someone who will listen, challenge, and walk alongside you in this season of life?

Whether you need mentoring, spiritual direction, or both, don’t walk alone in your faith. Seek wise companions and leaders who can help you follow God. 

Mentorship and spiritual direction have shaped my soul, and I hope you, too, can experience their gifts.