Don’t Be a Good Leader. Be a Present One.

Being a good leader is overrated.

If you just stepped into leadership this year, you probably don’t believe that yet. You want to serve faithfully. You want to honor God, so you aim for “good.”

But what if the biggest threat to your leadership isn’t failure? What if it’s striving for good?

When trying to be a “good” leader turns into a performance, it can show up in ways that aren’t obvious: replaying everything you said after a meeting, scanning the room more than listening, feeling responsible for how others respond during Bible study, etc. 

You’re trying to do all the right things. But you go home tired, carrying a sense that you’re missing something.

Instead of trying to be a “good” leader, you quietly start wondering if you’re a “good enough” leader. Leadership quickly turns into self-monitoring instead of presence, and anxiety fills the space where clarity and conviction should be.

Paul asks a question that cuts deep: “Am I now seeking human approval, or God’s approval?” (Galatians 1:10).

Most of us would never say we’re seeking approval. But when “good” becomes the standard, we start managing impressions, and our attention turns inward. We adjust in real time, not because the moment calls for it, but because we’re trying to stay approved.

Trying to be a “good” leader pulls you out of the room, away from people, yourself, and God. Instead of being a “good” leader, try being a present leader.

Presence Is Intentional 

Presence is outward-facing, meaning you: 

• really hear what’s being said
• notice who hasn’t spoken 
• sense when to slow down or step in
• stop managing yourself 
• start paying attention to the people in front of you

Being present turns your focus onto relationships, rather than performance.

Presence still requires intention…

Many leaders assume presence means being relaxed, spontaneous, or unstructured. They assume that if it’s Spirit-led, it shouldn’t be planned. If it’s authentic, it should feel “organic.” But organic things grow because someone prepares the soil and tends to it consistently. 

Part of being intentional is having structure, which isn’t the opposite of presence, but something that protects presence. When there’s structure, people have clear expectations and anxiety is minimized. 

Starting on time is presence. Ending on time is presence. Having a plan is presence. Facilitating discussion in a way that different personalities and cultures can engage... that’s presence.

Presence isn’t accidental. It’s an intentional choice.

Skills Matter. But Presence Is the Goal.

As a leader, you’re going to learn new skills, like leading a Bible study, running meetings, and sharing your faith. 

These are all great skills, but the purpose of them isn’t to make you a “better” leader. It’s to help you bring your full self for the sake of others.

In other words, skills (like intention) create space for presence.

Think about how:

• When you know how to facilitate discussion (a skill), you’re not scrambling.
• When you’ve prepared, you’re not performing.
• When you understand the cultural and personality dynamics of a room, you can actually see the people in it.

In your role, you won't struggle to find content to develop your skills —The Ministry Playbook, InterVarsity Press Books, the Ministry Library, podcasts, etc. But instead of prioritizing tasks, skills, or outcomes, let your leadership be centered around truly being attentive to the people God has placed around you.

What does it matter if you lead the best Bible study in the universe but are aloof, unaware, or worse, unseeing of the people in your group who are hurting, bored, distracted, or quietly drifting away?

Presence asks different questions:

• What if you were more aware of your own strengths and blind spots, so you led from humility instead of insecurity?
• What if you were more aware of how deeply God loves you — and how deeply God loves the people in front of you?

You don’t grow in presence by consuming more information. You grow it the way you grow any muscle: through practice.

If presence requires intention, then you need rhythms that train your attention.

Here are three:

Rhythm 1: Grow in Presence with Yourself 

You can’t be present to others if you’re disconnected from yourself. One way to deal with this is by journaling daily. 

Use a tiny notepad or note on your phone and write just a few lines. Ask yourself:

• What did I feel today?
• Where was I anxious?
• Where was I energized?

Once a week, reflect on what you’ve written for 10 minutes. Once a month, look for patterns. Notice what triggers you and what gives you life. 

As you learn to be more present with yourself, you can expand that to those around you.

Rhythm 2: Grow in Presence with Others

Presence can be practiced in real time with real people. Try to:

• Write names down when you meet people and follow up on what they share with you.
• Put your phone away when someone is talking –– not face down. Away.
• If you’re an extrovert, listen without preparing your response.
• If you’re an introvert, lean in one step further and ask one more question.

Rhythm 3: Grow in Presence with God

Leadership without presence with God becomes anxiety management. Build small rhythms that return you to deeper awareness. Try to:

• Write short, honest prayers in your journal.
• Set a daily reminder that says, “Be present.”
• Practice breath prayers when overwhelmed. 
• Hold a Scripture refrain in your mind like, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
• Return to God again and again throughout the day.

Presence with God doesn’t require impressive quiet times. It simply requires honesty and willingness to return. 

The Kind of Leader People Remember

In Acts 20, when Paul says goodbye to the Ephesian leaders, he doesn’t remind them of his achievements. He reminds them how he lived among them.

He speaks of humility, tears, and shared life. And they weep together. They don’t grieve because he was “good.” They grieve because he was with them.

If you lead long enough, you won’t be remembered for how polished you were. You’ll be remembered for whether people felt seen by you.

So don’t chase good. Instead, fight for presence by showing up, paying attention, and staying. 

That kind of leadership may not always look impressive, but it will be real. And that’s the kind that lasts.