How to Invite Your Friends to Follow Jesus

"I've described myself as an atheist for as long as I can remember," Brian said. "But now, I'd say I'm more agnostic." Brian and I have been talking about faith since we were roommates in college.

"So," he said, stirring his coffee thoughtfully, "I know you're deeply religious in ways I'm not, and I'm intrigued to know more about what that means to you."

We talked for over an hour about what I find beautiful in Jesus' way. At the end of the conversation, Brian said, "That's the most compelling way of thinking about Christian faith I've ever heard."

And then I froze. If Brian had been a student I was ministering to on campus, I would have immediately said, "Brian, would you like to become a follower of Jesus today?" But because he was my friend, I hesitated.

Sound familiar? You've built real friendships with people who don't know Jesus. You've had deep spiritual conversations. They've even said things like "that's compelling" or "I never thought of it that way." But then comes that crucial moment: How do you invite them to follow Jesus?

Why We Hesitate When It Counts Most

My initial silence with Brian wasn't protecting our friendship.  It was protecting my own comfort. Brian had just said faith was "compelling." He was clearly drawn to what he'd heard, not pulling away from it. But I hesitated because the context felt different.

With students in ministry settings, invitations to faith feel natural and expected. But with friends outside of ministry settings, we worry about changing the dynamic or seeming manipulative. We tell ourselves we're being "respectful," but often we're just being scared.

If someone you care about is genuinely interested in your faith, the most loving thing you can do is help them take the next step toward Jesus. Your hesitation isn't protecting them. It's protecting you from the risk of awkwardness or rejection.

Recognizing When Hearts Are Opening

Brian's "That's compelling" comment was what I call a golden moment. These are times when someone moves beyond polite interest to genuine spiritual hunger.

They shift from general questions to personal ones
From "What do Christians believe about suffering?" to "How has your faith helped you deal with your anxiety?"

They begin wondering aloud about their own spiritual life
"I used to be sure God didn't exist, but lately I'm not so sure" or "I've never really thought seriously about this stuff before, but..."

They acknowledge genuine resonance
"That's beautiful" or "I've never heard it explained that way" or "That actually makes sense to me."

They start using first-person language about faith
Moving from "People who believe..." to "What if I actually believed..." or "I wonder if God could..."

The shift from curiosity to hunger is often subtle, but when you hear it, don't let the golden moment pass. This is when your friend needs you to be brave and  ask the question they may not know how to ask themselves.

Building Trust for the Big Questions

Not every spiritual conversation is ready for a direct invitation to faith. The key is learning to recognize when relationships have the foundation necessary for these vulnerable moments.

Ask yourself, “Am I genuinely interested in my friend’s wellbeing no matter what they decide about Jesus? Do we honestly share our perspectives about dating, family, friendship, or cultural issues?” If so, your relationship has enough trust to ask an incisive question about Jesus.  

Notice their spiritual openness.  Have their questions become more urgent and first-person?  Have they started initiating spiritual conversations rather than just responding to yours?

When these elements align, incisive questions become appropriate and loving.

For more information on how people tend to explore faith, see The Five Thresholds, a resource from InterVarsity. 

The Art of the Incisive Question

Sitting there with Brian, after he'd said faith was "compelling," I felt that familiar freeze. But then something shifted. I realized I was about to let another golden moment slip away. I took a breath and pushed through my hesitation.

"Brian," I said, "You just said that was the most compelling way you've heard anyone talk about faith. Can I ask you something directly?" I paused. "If you knew that life with God was available to you without you having to ignore or suppress your doubts, how would you want to respond?"

The question caught him off guard in the best way. He was quiet for a long moment, then said, "That’s a great question. I just didn't think that was an option for someone like me."

That question helped Brian address his specific concern (doubt) while asking about his heart's desire, not just his intellectual position. Here are other examples you can adapt:

For the intellectually curious:
"You've been asking such thoughtful questions about faith. But if you could know for certain that Jesus was who he claimed to be, would you want to follow him?"

For the person who feels unworthy:
"I keep hearing you say you're not good enough for God. But if you knew that Jesus’ whole life was about loving those who aren’t good enough, how would you want to respond to him?” 

For the person wounded by church:
"I know religious people have hurt you badly. But what if Jesus is often as frustrated with religious hypocrisy as you are? Would you be willing to consider following Jesus even if you're not ready to trust the church again?"

For the person who's been exploring:
"You've been reading the Bible with me, asking great questions, clearly drawn to something here. What would it look like for you to stop exploring from the outside and start following from the inside?"

Notice that effective questions acknowledge where someone is, address their specific barrier, and ask about their heart's desire rather than demanding intellectual certainty.

Asking with Grace and Courage

When you ask these questions, approach them with both boldness and humility.

Connect to what they've already shared. Notice their expressed interests or longings. Ask with genuine curiosity. Give them space to process. Some of the most important spiritual conversations happen in quiet moments when someone is wrestling with what they really want. Be prepared for any response.

Think about Philip with the Ethiopian eunuch in Acts 8. After explaining Isaiah's prophecy about Jesus, Philip didn't just end with theological discussion. When the eunuch asked, "What prevents me from being baptized?" Philip recognized the moment and acted immediately. Scripture is full of moments where spiritual conversations transition into direct invitations.

When the Question Goes Wrong

Sometimes we misjudge the moment or ask poorly. When that happens, it’s ok. Your relationship isn't over. It's an opportunity for humility and growth.

Acknowledge what happened: "I wonder if I misjudged your interest in faith. I'm sorry if that felt pressuring." Express your intention: "I asked because I care about you, but I want to respect where you are." Recommit to the friendship: "Our friendship matters more to me than any spiritual conversation."

The goal isn't to avoid awkwardness. Meaningful conversations about ultimate things are inherently vulnerable. The goal is to approach these moments with such genuine love that even if the timing is off, your friend recognizes your heart.

Responding to Their Response

If they say yes to following Jesus: Keep it simple and genuine. Lead them in a simple prayer of confession and commitment. You might pray something like, “Jesus I want to know and follow you. Today, I turn from selfishness and all sinful habits. I trust you for forgiveness, direction, and for the gift of life with God. Teach me your ways. Amen.”  

Acknowledge that ongoing questions are okay. Then talk about next steps you can take together, including reading Scripture, connecting with Christian community, or learning to pray.

If they need time to think: Brian is still processing my question about following Jesus with doubts intact, and that's okay. Respond with: "I appreciate how seriously you're taking this. Take the time you need."

If they say no:  Respond with: "Thank you for being honest with me. You know this doesn't change how I feel about you, right?" Then prove it by continuing to be the same consistent friend.

Remember, you're not responsible for their response. You’re only responsible for inviting with gentleness. 

The Courage to Love Well

Pushing through my hesitation with Brian was good for him and me. The conversation moved Brian from his head to his heart, from thinking about Jesus to considering what it would mean to follow him. Our conversation reminded me not to waste golden moments in our friends’ lives.

Your non-Christian friends may be waiting for you to ask them the question they don't know how to ask themselves: "Do you want to follow Jesus?" The gospel is too good to keep to ourselves, and our friends deserve the chance to respond to Jesus directly — not just hear about our faith secondhand.

So, here's the challenge: Is there someone in your life who's been showing genuine spiritual interest? Someone who's moved beyond polite questions to personal curiosity? If so, what's the question you need to ask?

The next time a friend leans into a spiritual conversation and shows real interest, don't just describe your faith. Ask them what they want to do about it. Your friends need you to love them enough to risk those sacred, vulnerable moments when everything can change.