What Fatherhood Has Taught Me About God’s Wrath

God’s wrath is troubling.

God seems to choose some people … and not others. He gracefully invites and intensely disciplines. The God of the Bible—our Father—is accessible … and terrifying.

Ten years ago this month, I became a father. I held my seven-pound, ten-ounce child for the first time. I compared her head to an apple, her toes to peas. Everything about her was tiny. Small. Loud. Sleepy. Messy. Soft.

I learned how to change a cloth diaper. I walked and walked and walked, bouncing her to make her sleep. Sometimes she would.

What Disobedience Does

As she’s grown (her head is now much bigger than an apple), she seems to have forgotten where she came from, who she is.

When she was a toddler, she would reach to touch my camera. I would say, “Don’t touch it, Phoebe.” She would look at me, hand extended, head tilted.

And she would keep reaching and touch the camera.

This instant has been replayed a thousand times in a thousand ways in her ten years of life. Recently, as we were in the middle of an enjoyable conversation, she said, “I wish I was President, so I could boss my parents around.”

The same frustrating disobedience remains, just taking a different form.

What Disobedience Does to Me

My wife, Chrissy, and I don’t make rules thoughtlessly. But there are different sorts of rules, for different situations and specific purposes. Some keep Phoebe and her little brother safe. Some maintain the home environment we value. Some merely help keep us sane as parents.

But fundamentally, the system we maintain is for the good of the kids. And it’s clear: the kids know (because we tell them ahead of time) that when they do not live consistently with our household standards, there are consequences.

So when our daughter is disobedient, I get angry. My own ego is tied up in this, of course. I want to be respected. I am as selfish as the next guy. But I’m learning, by God’s grace, from being a dad. And mostly, I really do want my daughter to do what is best for her, to make healthy choices, and to grow in good character.

What Disobedience Does to God

This all helps me understand God’s anger more. I read in the Bible that sometimes God gets really mad—rightly and righteously mad. This is referred to as wrath. Like it or not, there is an order, a system, and we are people under authority. We are subjects of a King. The King is good but he’s also just. And if we choose our own way instead of his, he is mad. And there are consequences.

These occasions in the Bible can be confusing. “I thought he was loving,” we muse. And when I get angry at my kids, I can feel guilty. “Am I being loving?” I worry.

Again, our human anger can certainly cross a line—when it stems from our own ego, for example, or when it’s not directed or expressed in a healthy fashion.

But I’m starting to understand that my anger is sometimes appropriate, for the good of others, even those with whom I’m angry. God is not capricious, and I’m not just making rules for rules’ sake, either. Anger can be a manifestation of our desire for good authority to be respected, for justice and righteousness to roll down like a river (Amos 5:24).

I love Phoebe amazingly, more than my own life. But when she goes outside of limits that have been set for her own good, she will hurt herself and others. At those moments, I get mad.

But in those moments, we can talk, she can learn and change, and I can extend grace. And the transition from being a recipient of wrath to a recipient of grace is the most wonderful switcheroo ever.

Adam Jeske has served in Nicaragua, China, and South Africa and regularly contributes to Relevant. With his wife, Christine Jeske, he has written This Ordinary Adventure: Settling Down Without Settling. He blogs, tweets, and serves as the Associate Director of Communications for InterVarsity.

You might also be interested in watching one father’s personal reflections on fatherhood.