Emily Baez

Courageous Faith in Hopeless Times

Ann with friends

"I really love going to large group, and I love meeting God in that space, but I’m not sure if that’s a good enough reason to lead,” Annie, a Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) student, confessed at a leaders’ meeting in 2020. 

She had been leading students in her fellowship, without the support of a full-time campus minister, for the previous year—but now she doubted herself.

“Annie, that’s the best reason to lead,” Regan, who had just stepped in to lead the ministry as an InterVarsity volunteer staff, responded. “You’ve experienced God’s love in this space, and you want others to experience it too.”

Annie connected with MIT’s InterVarsity Asian Christian Fellowship (ACF) her freshman year, quickly became a small group leader, and experienced dramatic spiritual growth.

A few months later, volunteer staff Ruth and Regan came to MIT to help support the ministry.

“Annie was so welcoming,” Ruth said. “That’s who she is. She’s intentional, she’s compassionate. Her heart is soft towards God and towards people.”

Hopeless Times

But 2020 took a toll on Annie.

“I call that my depression year,” she said.

A pandemic, rising anxiety over her father’s safety at the New York hospital where he worked, a break-up, caring for her grandfather, and feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy weighed her down.

"I felt like there was something wrong with me or like I wasn’t lovable. I thought, How can I be qualified to lead in this state?"

Annie revealed these feelings to Ruth, Regan, and fellow student leaders. They met her with understanding and encouraged her to keep pursuing God’s call to lead others to Him.

 So Annie took small courageous steps of faith, one at a time, knowing God was moving and would heal her.

Courageous Leadership

Annie agreed to lead online large groups while campus was closed during COVID, despite still struggling with doubt.

As difficult as 2020 was, she saw God use her in incredible ways. She helped her chapter thrive by continuing to disciple other students and inviting them to seek Jesus in community. And in a year where many churches and campus ministries struggled, ACF grew!

“She created real, quality programming for the fellowship,” Ruth reflected. “A big part of the growth we saw that year was because of Annie. Annie and God’s grace.”

As Annie continued serving and trusting God, she slowly began to reject the lies she told herself and accept God’s truth instead.

Courage After Graduation

After graduating this May, Annie took even more courageous steps in leadership. She started a  summer Bible study for other MIT alumni, creating a much-needed space for those who longed for community during the summer.

When Annie reflects on her time in InterVarsity, she’s filled with gratitude. Although things felt hopeless, she sees all the ways God was with her. Because of the support of Ruth, Regan, and her InterVarsity community, Annie found her way from hopelessness to courageous faith.

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Emily Baez is a writer on InterVarsity’s Communications Team in Madison, Wisconsin. She enjoys long hikes, watching movies, and overly competitive game nights with friends. You can support her ministry here

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