Friendship: The Spiritual Practice I Needed After College

When I graduated college, I didn’t expect to feel so… disconnected.

I was stepping into a new job, learning how to “adult,” figuring out bills and schedules and responsibilities. On paper, life was moving forward. But spiritually? Something felt off, and I couldn’t put a finger on it. 

In college, my faith felt alive. Not just because of what I believed, but because of who I was surrounded by. There were people to pray with, process with, laugh with, confess to, and do mission with. Community wasn’t something I had to build; it was already there. 

After graduation, that changed overnight. Suddenly, all my relationships felt like they were in limbo. School had been the anchor for our community, and now that anchor was gone. There was no InterVarsity meeting to ensure I would see my friends. There was no campus schedule that I could intuit to think about who was free to talk. Everyone was scattered, busy, adjusting. And no one really knew how to name what we were losing.

As someone who’s wired for people, that shift hit me hard. I felt isolated, but what made it harder was realizing I wasn’t the only one. A lot of my friends were feeling the same thing. We just didn’t know how to talk about it. Looking back, I don’t think what I lost was just structure. I think I lost the kind of friendships that helped me follow Jesus.

The Risk That Changed Everything

After sitting with that for a while, I felt like I had a choice: either wait for community to happen again… or build it on purpose. So, I did something that honestly felt a little awkward. I reached out to a couple of friends and asked if they wanted to be more intentional about staying connected spiritually. We were already friends, so I wasn’t asking for friendship, but building rhythms to follow Jesus together. It felt weird. Like I was “asking them out”… but for spiritual friendship.

And if I’m being real, it felt risky, especially as a guy. There’s an unspoken pressure to keep things surface-level, to not need too much, to not say, “Hey, I actually want deeper connection.” I wasn’t taught to show vulnerability or to communicate needs. So, I didn’t know how this would be received by them. I was afraid they wouldn’t want that. Or that I’d come off as too intense. But their response surprised me. They wanted the same thing.

Turning Friendship Into a Practice

We started simple. We set up regular times to connect: lunches when we could, phone calls when life got busy, texts to check in. Nothing complicated, nothing overly structured, but we tried to stay consistent. Over time, the rhythm flexed with our seasons. Jobs changed. Schedules shifted. Life got fuller. But what didn’t change was the expectation that we were going to show up for each other. That consistency created something deeper than I expected. These weren’t just friendships anymore. They became spiritual friendships, relationships where Jesus was at the center, and there was a mutual commitment to each other’s thriving. 

Years later, those same friendships are some of the most important relationships in my life. Our wives are close. Our kids know each other. These friends have become brothers. We’ve walked through a lot together: job transitions, loss, personal struggles, big life milestones. But more than anything, we’ve helped each other stay close to Jesus. 

There have been seasons where finding Jesus felt hard. Moments where faith felt dry. Times where decisions felt unclear. And in those moments, these friendships carried weight. They reminded me of truth when I couldn’t see it clearly. They offered wisdom when I didn’t have it. They encouraged me to take risks in following Jesus when fear was taking up a lot of space. We made a commitment to each other to love Jesus, to love each other, and to want the best for one another. There’s no competition. No comparison. Only a shared desire to follow Jesus faithfully, and to help each other do the same.

If You’re About To Graduate (Or Just Did)

If you’re in that transition right now, here’s what I wish someone told me: spiritual friendships don’t just happen after college. You must build them. You might feel disconnected and not know why. You might miss the depth you once had. You might assume everyone else has it figured out. They don’t. And chances are, someone in your life is hoping you’ll make the first move. So, take the risk. Text the friend you trust. Invite them into something more intentional. Start simple but start on purpose. Because following Jesus was never meant to be done alone. And sometimes, the way Jesus keeps us close to him is through the people who choose to walk with us.